A Great Adventure

20140815-222315.jpg
Last weekend I hung out with some friends hiking up Mt. Rainier. I hadn’t been on a hike since last summer and I really wasn’t ready for the adventure that came with this one. It was probably the most difficult hike I’ve ever been on, climbing much higher than a thousand feet, but it was totally worth it. With hiking boots in hand, I joined my friends, catching up on life during our car ride towards the mountain.

20140815-222637.jpg
What a treat for me to be encouraged by our conversation, meeting new friends from their church and enjoying the beauty of the day. The mountain flowers were such a beautiful sight to see.

20140815-222710.jpg
For me, going up isn’t as difficult as coming down, but I was ready to embrace this adventure.

20140815-223007.jpg
The climb eventually had me beat. At one point I sat down because I kept thinking to myself

“How would I make it down over rocks and snow?”

This was definitely not what I had in mind when I had decided to come on the hike. I struggled a lot with whether to keep going and even attempted to try to climb up some rocks on my own, but by myself, I couldn’t. I didn’t have it in me. The belief that I could keep going was fading fast. It wasn’t until someone came back for me and encouraged me to try once more that I decided to keep going.

I was able to continue hiking up the mountain, through snow and over rocks. Someone else in the group offered their poles, a tremendous support going up and then coming down as well. Not only did I have the help of friends, but I was equipped with the right gear.

Life can be the same you know. I often think that my culture has influenced me to live independently for the sole purpose of not becoming a burden to anyone. But part of the adventure is living in dependence, not only on God, a loving Father who cares for us, His kids, who wants to help us journey through all parts of life, but with each other as well. Had I not chosen to trust that my friend’s heart towards me was for my good, I would have missed out on the glory of these beautiful sights:

20140815-223545.jpg

20140815-223641.jpg

20140815-223726.jpg

20140815-223812.jpg

20140815-224040.jpg
Here I am near the highest point we went, maybe a mile and a half from the trail head. I was tired and worn, but able to keep going.

20140815-224130.jpg
I can’t tell you how painful it was to hike down. At times it was so steep and I felt like my feet were going to fall off or that my knees would give out from under me. Sometimes life presents itself like this.

20140815-224412.jpg
The path is steep and full of turns. We don’t always see what’s coming at us. And then we get distracted following others instead of walking together, doing life in the company of those who see us as we are, treasures.

I keep thinking about these words from an old Steven Curtis Chapman song:

Saddle up your horses
We’ve got a trail to blaze
Through the wild, blue yonder
Of God’s amazing grace
Let’s follow our Leader
Into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other
This is the great adventure

I think there are many souls in our world who are overwhelmed at living in this place, at this time in history. They don’t know how important they are right now, acting out their role in the universe around them. The thought of taking one more step when the pain feels so incredibly unbearable just stops them, dead in their tracks.

Yet when someone comes along to take their hand, hold them up, carry their burden, the ability to keep going grows deeper inside us weary pilgrims.

Sometimes I find myself there, helping encourage the ones who can’t see how they’re gonna make. I don’t know that my words are as helpful as just being present for them. Sometimes I’m the one who wonders how I will take the next step. And I am definitely guilt of giving in and giving up on myself when it seems so difficult to keep going.

But how grateful I am for those who encouraged and won’t let me do life alone.

Proverbs 18:24
...but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Who are those people you call friend?
Who are those who need to be reminded that they matter to the world around them?

I may not know all of these people well, but I do know that they cared about me, about my well-being. They took time to learn about me this weekend, offering acceptance towards me. And I, them.

These folks aren’t the only ones who make my heart so thankful that we don’t have to do life alone. There is always someone available to help. Sometimes it comes in unexpected and even in ways that are not easy to receive, but there is ALWAYS someone. My hope for you is the same for myself, that our eyes will be opened to see who those people are and then embrace relationship with them.

20140815-235142.jpg

Don’t Worry

I can’t sleep.

The rain is keeping me up when it should be soothing me with the rhythms of its down pour and I’ve already been to that place where I could have fallen asleep, but it came and went all too soon. So now I’m awake. Ugh.

This can’t be good because I have to be up early in the morning to attend Day One of a two day training. I think I’m stressed about heading back to school. What do you think?

Yeah, I think you’re right-I’m not ready to go back. Not yet at least. And honestly the thought of heading back into my classroom is a bit daunting. Not for any reason other than I’m fearful that all the great things that have happened this summer will be a memory rather than fulfillment of the answer to my heart’s cry that shouts “Take me deeper Lord Jesus!”

This summer has been one full of adventure with hopes renewed and my heart stirred for an even greater year ahead. There are changes coming in the next year, new teaching opportunities, a different set of routines and habits to support me as I walk the road to better health, and how easily I forget the things I’ve heard a lot in the past month or so:

The kingdom of God is in you. So whatever you need, it’s already there for you whenever you need it.

The enemy of your soul, your adversary, has already been destroyed.

God is for you so who can be against you.

Yet, I have allowed lies to crowd themselves into my mind:

There’s not enough time to do all of the things that need to get done.

The process to get where you want to be is taking too long. It’s slow and drawn out.

Most people don’t understand what you go through.

Sometimes it’s not lies, but the truth of my reality that I’m slammed with:

You are going to revert back to old habits and poor thinking because you haven’t spent the time necessary to get yourself organized. You will feel so overwhelmed when school starts because you didn’t do much when you had the time.

Ever wish you could find the OFF switch? Yeah, me too.

And this so ridiculous because I have no business thinking like this.

Philippians 4:6-8 says
“Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
“And God’s peace shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
“For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things fix your minds on them.”

As difficult as it is at times, I know that this is where the battle in my mind is allowed to rage because I don’t do anything. I don’t respond, sometimes because I’m exhausted from lack of sleep-it’s an ugly cycle to get caught up in and I’m here again. “Why?” (she says with a fist in the air) Other times it’s because I’m lazy and don’t want to exert the energy it takes to remain vigilant-vigilant so that not I’m taken out by the enemy of my soul.

But it always comes back to this truth:

I have a choice to act. Whatever I do reveals what’s inside of me, the things I hold near and dear.

Right now this level of stress is telling me that I need more of the truth that God speaks about me in my heart. It’s obviously apparent that the well has run dry. So time for a fill-up.

I must remember and keep this close in my peripheral: the way that God thinks about me is good. It’s pure. It’s beautiful and kind and compassionate. And no matter what my actions are, He won’t ever change His mind about me.

How am I going to remember this and know it deeply inside of me?

By filling up with His truth.

By letting His words wash over me.

The peace that comes from knowing He is for me and on my side.

He is everyday working everything for good in my life.

And I’m not where I’m at by mistake. He’s placed me there for His purpose.

So I choose to stand in faith, believing He is greater in me than the one in the world whose only goal is to take me out. You see, I’m pretty powerful when I know and believe that I belong to the God of the universe. And I lack nothing. Absolutely. Nothing. At. All.

This has been a life verse for me over the past six months:

Psalm 23:1-6
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of The Lord forever.

Prayer Changes Things

Prayer changes things.

It changes my heart. It changes the hearts of others involved in my relationships. It’s like plugging in my juicer when I’m getting ready to combine all the really good fruits and vegetables God has blessed me with, to enjoy and take in so that my body can live to the fullest.

It moves God’s heart when we pray. Sometimes we pray for things to change because we’re hurting or disappointed or misunderstand what’s happening in the world around us. But if we are willing to respond to His heart, to act in obedience to what He says to do in the moment, in a split second, He is already answering our prayers. He is demonstrating to us that He hears, He listens, He cares about whatever we’re facing.

And is so, so, so very faithful to act on behalf of us, His kids. We are sons and daughters of a pretty incredible King. So we are princes, not paupers. We are Kings and Queens with a heritage that gives us access to anything we need. Our King has insurmountable riches-everything is His and comes from Him. And He says I’m allowed the access code. I have the complete package, the full meal deal. Am I right?

Thank You Lord for Your Goodness and Mercy that always go with me. Thank You for hearing my heart and responding to my prayer. You are amazing and there is no one, not ever, who comes close to comparison. I’m so grateful for how You lead and guide me, and how You are teaching me to trust You even more today than I did yesterday.

Lord, for anyone who reads this, I pray that as they cry out to You, that You would show them just how much You love them and how intently You are watching over them, hearing their prayers. Open their eyes to see You move and respond as they pray to see Your heart revealed in this life, here on earth.

God, You are so very good to us!
We love You!!!

The Legacy I Leave

“When you learn, teach. At our best we are all teachers.”—Maya Angelou

I saw these words on someone’s Facebook timeline Wednesday morning after hearing that Maya Angelou had passed on and it was quite timely considering the conversation I had with my 3rd graders the day before. You see, there were some gifts delivered to the staff and teachers at my school by a group of “Secret Students.” They had made door hangers with inspiring notes of gratitude for the work we do. It was a beautiful token and while I appreciate the gesture, I struggled with what was written on mine:

“I hope you can be a real teacher someday.”

My first thought was that I must not be considered a “real teacher.” (Can you tell that I am much more concerned with how others see me than how I see myself, how God sees me? Help me Jesus!)

I am a music teacher in public education and see my students twice a week for a total less than 90 minutes a week. While I may have the same students year after year from Kindergarten through 6th grade I won’t spend even half of a year like a classroom teacher does. Maybe that’s what a “real teacher” does.

I won’t deny that these words really bothered me mostly because I’ve work harder this year than ever before. I’ve found myself scaling fences that had been obstacles and hindrances in the past. It’s been an incredible process to walk through and I am pleased with the growth I’ve made this year. But the reality is that I am the only one who can truly acknowledge within myself that I am a “real teacher.”

Every day I come to school to learn and help others learn, just like I ask of my students.

Everyday I show up because its what I’m called, created and anointed to do for this season of my life.

Everyday, every year I make sacrifices for the sake of my students so that they can know how to listen and work well with others.

These are the things that happen when you’re part of music instruction.

So what did I tell my students that day? I told them

“At some point in your life you are a teacher. Not just once, but many times over. Everyday there may be someone looking at how you’re handling life.

Someone is paying attention to the way that you listen, how you respond, your actions, the choices you make. It’s called leaving a legacy, a vision for those who come after you.

I want to leave a legacy that inspires others to go outside of their comfort zone and try on new things, to be willing and courageous in not growing stagnant. I want my legacy to be full of passion, hope and determination that you can move forward even when it’s difficult.

We all leave some type of legacy.

What will yours be? How will you making yours count for something incredible?”

Because He Lives In Me

What an incredible thing it is to know God! Just to know the realness and tangibility of His love is something I continue to experience in new ways everyday.

Today His grace lifted me up out of a pit of weakness, a place where I have found myself living, succumbing to my flesh in the fight against the strong pull of temptations because I was so tired of living a disciplined life, one that I cannot do on my own strength, but rather by leaning on the strong arms of my Savior. He knows my weakness. He knows the temptations and struggles I face. He also knows the schemes and plans of those who work against me to steal, destroy and bring death where He has offered me everything that I have need of in this life, that is accessible to me at any time.

I woke up not feeling well, my voice was weak and in my own strength I knew I wouldn’t be able to lead worship at church. It’s not that I didn’t want to go, but in that moment I just longed to feel differently in my body. For about two years now I have wrestled with a great deal of physical pain. And pressing through it while hoping for a miracle of restoration is not a simple task. Often I feel worn out and weary. And on top of it, I’m walking through a process of healing emotionally. So some days it’s a daunting task just to get up out of bed and start my day, believing that I will make it through whatever comes my way, trusting that God has been with me through it all.

Praise God that I am in a season now where the restoration and healing of my soul, my mind and my body is truly coming to pass! I’m so grateful to God for the people who pray with me, encourage me and stand by me in believing that there is hope for me to be healed and set free because we have a Savior Who went to Hell and paid for my pain with His life.

I opened one of my journals that I began writing in last summer, full of truth about who I am in Christ Jesus and with words of hope to speak out loud whenever I feel lost and discouraged. I read these words:

“God, Your plan for my life is always for me to be blessed and walk in victory! You have an amazing journey of goodness to save, heal and bless me. I know You can help me overcome my addictions and I’m so thankful because I want to be free. Every time I come to You, I win another battle. Help me remember what Your word says: You will never leave me or forsake me, and You love me no matter what. Thank You Lord, for showing me who I am in You.”

As I cried out to Jesus I thanked Him for what He wanted to do today and with that I began to get ready. I turned on some music to worship with and in minutes I noticed that I felt so much better. I was energized and restored and the physical discomfort had left. It was as if the weight of things that have weighed me down were lifted off of me and my faith was being stirred. Hope was growing in my heart and I knew God had a plan for me to be this morning at church.

As I prayed with the sound team and worship band before our rehearsal, I sensed in my heart that God wanted all of us to take turns praying out loud for the service. When they didn’t speak up I knew it was time for me to encourage them with the truth that God wanted to hear the cries of their heart, that He knew they had a specific prayer for today’s service. I was so blessed to hear these young men offer up their petitions to our Savior and knew that it wasn’t a mistake that He led me to have us pray this way.

The time in worship, seeing the beautiful drama and dance that the youth had prepared for today, hearing the word of God about giving all that I am and all that I have to Him, serving in our after-service fellowship were all beautiful reminders today that because God lives in me I am more than able to conquer the things that fight against me, the temptations, the fears, the places where I’ve felt rejection and pain. He IS Alive! He is actively at work in me, changing me with His precious love, wiping away all the dirt and grime that comes from living in this world. He lives in me and because He lives I can face anything that may come, just like the song says:

Because He lives I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future
My life is worth the living just because He lives.

Though there are battles that rage inside of me, fighting against the hope that I have received, attempting to rob me of the joy that is so freely given because I am the one in whom God delights, I know that I can walk in freedom and through any storm that I might face. There is an incredible peace that comes from knowing who I am in Christ and that He is always there.

If you don’t sense that peace within yourself, all you have to do is say “Jesus, I need You, right now in this moment. I am running to You with arms open wide. I want to know Your peace. I want to feel Your joy overflow in my heart. You know what I have to face so I ask You to help me walk through this. My hand is in Yours and I will follow where You lead. I will trust that You are faithful to deliver me from the enemies of my soul and any war that rages within me. You are a gracious and loving Savior Who takes notice of me all day long and Whose love is never in short supply for me. Teach me to know who I am in You Lord. Show me my identity and who You say that I am. Help me to become the person You are calling me to be. Thank You for giving up Your life for mine. I receive all that You have for me right now in this moment.”

Spring Has Come

20140320-072304.jpg
Yesterday, four years ago, you left us and went to be with Jesus, to dance on streets of gold, free of pain. Today is the first day of spring. I’m not sure I ever recognized the timing of these two days before this year, but I’m so grateful for the revelation that with death comes the birth of something new.

So many beautiful and wonderful things are happening. I wish you were here to celebrate life with us, but I know some of the struggles you faced and there are times that I too want to lay down my weapons because the battle can be just too intense.

If you were still here I would want you to watch Frozen with me and hear the words in the song “Let It Go.” Such a great song! Every kid in the world is singing it.

I’d send you a link for the music video by Pharrell Williams singing his song “Happy.” Another great song!

I would want to tell you that we can keep going and embrace all that God has for us in this life even when it’s difficult to face the toughest battles.

I never imagined how much my life would change after you died, but so many seeds have blossomed with incredible fruit in me since then, so much more than I ever dreamed possible. God in all of His glory has used this for my good, for His glory to be seen in me. Everyday I know His love for me more deeply. A love that compels me to keep going, to not give up because He chases after me passionately to remind me that I am cherished and treasured.

I miss you Mom, but I’m so blessed to know that you are not gone forever, that I will see you again because of the hope that is being cultivated inside of me more and more each day.

There Is No Shame Here

Isaiah 43:4
“You are precious and honored in My sight.”

These words confirm yet again the deep, deep love of my Heavenly Father. A love that won’t change because of my choice. A love that will steadily pursue me. A love that is taking hold of my heart to convince me that I am accepted no matter what I do, no matter how many times I feel like I have failed my God. A love that remains strong for me because I belong to the King of the universe and He has everything I need, even when I struggle to believe it.

Time and time again I find myself considering the love Christ has for me. I am grateful that I know His love more deeply for me today than I did yesterday. I’m walking through a situation where I feel that no matter what I choose to do, I’m faced with the cost of my choices. And right now it feels like no small thing. But perhaps that’s a lie from the pit of hell intended to keep me from moving forward. Nonetheless, I still have a choice to make and I have been worried about the consequences, about how this would alter the course of my life.

Yet that’s the amazing thing. God is speaking to me, reassuring me with His gentleness that no matter what I choose to do He will never change His love for me. He says “there is no condemnation for me because I am in Him.” (Romans 8:1) He knows my heart and the emotional battle that I’m fighting. He knows the fears I have in facing the unknown. He also knows my future and He isn’t trying to manipulate or control me in an effort to make me choose the “right thing.” It’s because of His love that I have peace in the freedom to choose. The prayer of my heart is to choose His way, to honor Him, so that He is pleased with me. But He already feels that way because I’m His kid. He delights in me. He knows I am taking a risk and says to me “There is no shame here. I know your heart. I understand what you’re facing and it’s going to be okay. You don’t have to face this alone. I’m right here next to you. I won’t stop loving you. My grace for you is greater than you know.”

Your precious grace oh God, will be sufficient for whatever I may face. And my hope is in You alone. I know You will not not leave me to fight this battle on my own.

Love Is Worth The Fight

James 1:4 reads
“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

This caught my eye tonight because lately I feel more than overwhelmed at times. In the midst of crying out to the Savior of my soul I know deep inside that I can’t give up now. There’s no turning back for me because I decided long ago I was done with the bad habits and stupid thoughts that have held me captive for much of my life. So onward and upward I climb, but right now I’m worn out. I’ve been sick. I’m tired. I have so many things to keep track of and be responsible for. It’s exhausting trying to live a disciplined life. This is no simple task. It’s requiring every ounce of fight and resolve to keep my head up when I want to shrink back and crumble to the floor.

How often have I cried out for You to change me Lord only to find myself with heels dug in, stalling the process of growth because I didn’t want to do the work of becoming disciplined. Or I was too scared to face the unknown or even so the truth that I’m far from perfect and in desperate need of Your grace to change the ugly places in my heart. I’m really good at coming up with excuses for why I can’t than accepting the truth that I can do this. I will make it because I am not alone.

I’m so grateful to You Lord for not giving up on me. Not once. Not ever! You keep chasing me and calling out to me with such tenderness that I can’t help but know Your love for me runs deep.

Keep calling me. Don’t stop pursuing my heart.

I think of the words from this song that someone long ago said I should listen to, something I didn’t pursue right away, but at just the right moment they hit home with me:

“You won’t relent until You have it all.
My heart is Yours.”

This is my prayer Lord Jesus. I just want to be so in love with You that nothing else matters.

Lessons Learned In 2013

Well, 2013 is coming to an end and 2014 is well on its way. For some of us, the new year is a welcomed change. I’m one of those hopeful folks ready for a fresh start. This morning I was reflecting on some of the lessons I’ve learned over the past year:

Listen to your body. It speaks volumes. When you feel tired, rest. When you feel stressed out, ask why or what is causing the stress and then address it. If what’s causing the stress is beyond your control, the very best thing is to let it go and put it in the hands of God because He is the ONLY One who can take care of the details.

My tastes, my cravings are changing a lot! I can actually talk myself out of running to grab a drink from Starbucks with the common sense that says “I don’t need that right now.” I still enjoy meeting up with friends or going to use wi-fi, but it’s definitely not about the drinks being a regular thing for me any longer.

Make lots of candy, sweet treats and goodies to share with loved ones. It’s what your mom used to do and it always brings such joy. Besides, you have a plethora of recipes pinned to your Pinterest boards. I love cooking! Oh how I’ve missed it and I’m done making excuses for why I can’t. I have new toys to use in the kitchen and I’m taking advantage of their usefulness. I’ve spent the past twenty-four hours making a half dozen yummy treats that are gluten-free and have healthier ingredients. And they all taste great!

Use what you know to help heal your body. I love eating raw foods and will continue to make healthier choices when it comes to food because I feel so much better when I do. When I don’t I hate how my body feels. I’m really getting this message. It’s coming through loud and clear. I can’t afford to keep buying and eating things that used to satisfy me. I would buy too much of it and eat too much of it at one time. And then I hated myself for making those choices. This cycle is coming to an end! That gap is closing moment by moment. Glory Hallelujah!!!

Don’t stop doing what you were made to do just because its difficult or you find yourself facing opposition. There will always be opposition in some capacity. But with courage you can face anything: fear, doubt, worry, hurt, sorrow, discontent and discouragement. God is for us, so who or what can be against us.

Speak the truth whenever possible and do it in love, but don’t be afraid to speak the truth when it truly matters, even if it seems like all of the ugly feelings are going to come out when you do. You can apologize. It’s much better to not keep it in, stuffed deep inside where it could torture you and hurt you even more. The people who love you will accept you and your apologies and will appreciate your willingness to not allow them to stay in that place and they will try to make changes because they care about their relationship with you.

Put up the Christmas tree the night before Thanksgiving-don’t put it off again. You need this to help usher in the season of celebrating the birth of Christ.

Make time for the people who matter most. Enough said!

Rest, rest, rest. Two weeks off from school does not mean to play catch up at home. It means to sleep, play, sleep, play and do what brings you joy.

Go Christmas caroling! You know you love it.

Take long breaks from social media. Your brain can only process so many things at once.

Make time to talk with God every morning when you wake up and at night when you go to sleep. Don’t ignore Him when He is calling to you. When He is singing you a love song, respond by singing it back to Him. Receive His mercy and grace with open arms and His discipline with a humble heart. He is the One, the ONLY One who loves you without condition and will never fail you. Even when you find yourself disappointed by things that are happening, know that He is still working for your best. He doesn’t mind your honesty when you cry out to Him. Sometimes that is the best way to release your hurt and pain before Him. And the allow Him to heal the deep places where your heart is broken. He wants to restore you completely. He will hold nothing back that He has for you. The question is will you receive His gift of life and hope and healing and restoration?

Thirteen Brides and Twelve Bride Grooms

Can I just say it is very difficult to watch people coupled up and not want to be with someone, especially at this time of year? The ugly struggle I’m having with feelings of discontent and disappointment in my singleness has made me painfully aware that my heart is hardened towards God. I’ve lost my love and passion for Him.

There is this battle I face regularly to not buy into the lies that I am unworthy to have that special someone.

My body is flawed and imperfect so who would be attracted to that?

I struggle in relationships. I have baggage. Who would want me?

No one’s showing interest because you don’t have what it takes.

And sometimes the truth hits me dead on:

If you can’t accept yourself, then how can you expect anyone else to want and accept you?

Or how about this one:

When you let go and stop thinking about it, that’s when it’s going to happen.

I have often felt passed over by God when He was handing out the gift of having a spouse. Watching others step into marriage while I’m still alone can drive me to this place where I question is this something He truly wants for me? How long do I have to wait for Your best, Lord? As I grow in my relationship with God I recognize there is no good thing that I can do to make this happen any sooner, but honestly the wait is just getting harder as the longing in my heart grows.

The words from this song by Royal Tailor keep running through my head as if God is singing them to me:

But I’m gonna make you stronger
Hold on just a little bit longer cause I’ll be there

So I found myself complaining about the status of being single a few nights ago and I had this picture of me standing in the midst of twelve brides in a beautiful ball room. There was anticipation at the thought of meeting the one that had been selected for each of us, God’s very best candidate. Then twelve bride grooms suddenly appeared and Jesus began bringing each one to the beautiful bride He had in mind. The joyful anticipation of meeting the one He had selected for each of us was growing in our hearts. I looked on expectantly curious to know who was meant for me, but the Lord passed me over yet again.

He finally brought the last bride groom to meet his bride and in despair I cried out “Where is mine? Is there no one for me? Am I not worthy to receive my bride groom also?”

He responded “I saved you for Myself. I want you, all of you for Me alone.”

In that moment I so was ashamed of my heart, embarrassed I’ll admit, because I’ve been trying to gratify my soul with what I think I need rather than look to God for comfort and satisfaction. I didn’t want Him because I saw what others had and wanted that more. I had believed the lies that He wasn’t enough for me, that He couldn’t truly be my everything.

But my heart does cry out for Him to satisfy me only because I know that nothing else will. His love is the only one that is truly patient and enduring, accepting of me and all my failings, all of my baggage. And it will not change. Not ever.

Oh precious Savior, forgive me for denying Your love, for not trusting and believing that You are enough for me. Forgive me for chasing after things that continue to leave me feeling empty and unsatisfied. I know in my head that You are all I need, but my heart still doesn’t get it. Heal those deep wounds so that I can receive all You want me to have. Help me Lord to trust and believe that You have good things in store for me. Always.