Thirteen Brides and Twelve Bride Grooms

Can I just say it is very difficult to watch people coupled up and not want to be with someone, especially at this time of year? The ugly struggle I’m having with feelings of discontent and disappointment in my singleness has made me painfully aware that my heart is hardened towards God. I’ve lost my love and passion for Him.

There is this battle I face regularly to not buy into the lies that I am unworthy to have that special someone.

My body is flawed and imperfect so who would be attracted to that?

I struggle in relationships. I have baggage. Who would want me?

No one’s showing interest because you don’t have what it takes.

And sometimes the truth hits me dead on:

If you can’t accept yourself, then how can you expect anyone else to want and accept you?

Or how about this one:

When you let go and stop thinking about it, that’s when it’s going to happen.

I have often felt passed over by God when He was handing out the gift of having a spouse. Watching others step into marriage while I’m still alone can drive me to this place where I question is this something He truly wants for me? How long do I have to wait for Your best, Lord? As I grow in my relationship with God I recognize there is no good thing that I can do to make this happen any sooner, but honestly the wait is just getting harder as the longing in my heart grows.

The words from this song by Royal Tailor keep running through my head as if God is singing them to me:

But I’m gonna make you stronger
Hold on just a little bit longer cause I’ll be there

So I found myself complaining about the status of being single a few nights ago and I had this picture of me standing in the midst of twelve brides in a beautiful ball room. There was anticipation at the thought of meeting the one that had been selected for each of us, God’s very best candidate. Then twelve bride grooms suddenly appeared and Jesus began bringing each one to the beautiful bride He had in mind. The joyful anticipation of meeting the one He had selected for each of us was growing in our hearts. I looked on expectantly curious to know who was meant for me, but the Lord passed me over yet again.

He finally brought the last bride groom to meet his bride and in despair I cried out “Where is mine? Is there no one for me? Am I not worthy to receive my bride groom also?”

He responded “I saved you for Myself. I want you, all of you for Me alone.”

In that moment I so was ashamed of my heart, embarrassed I’ll admit, because I’ve been trying to gratify my soul with what I think I need rather than look to God for comfort and satisfaction. I didn’t want Him because I saw what others had and wanted that more. I had believed the lies that He wasn’t enough for me, that He couldn’t truly be my everything.

But my heart does cry out for Him to satisfy me only because I know that nothing else will. His love is the only one that is truly patient and enduring, accepting of me and all my failings, all of my baggage. And it will not change. Not ever.

Oh precious Savior, forgive me for denying Your love, for not trusting and believing that You are enough for me. Forgive me for chasing after things that continue to leave me feeling empty and unsatisfied. I know in my head that You are all I need, but my heart still doesn’t get it. Heal those deep wounds so that I can receive all You want me to have. Help me Lord to trust and believe that You have good things in store for me. Always.

The Comprehensive Package

“You have the comprehensive package, which means you have everything.” What a comfort to hear those words this afternoon as I spoke with the finance manager who had helped me with my car purchase last spring. When a light appeared on the dashboard of my car as I was coming home from school yesterday I thought perhaps the oil was low, yet after further research I learned that I needed to get it checked out sooner than later. A myriad of thoughts mingled with worry began to squeeze their way into my head:

What am I going to do?

When do I have the time to get this looked at?

How much will it cost? (I mean I bought this car so that I could be done with car repairs for awhile.)

Fear reared its ugliness in my face. I’m sure the Lord was telling me it would all work out, but I was so distracted I couldn’t see Him, much less hear Him talking to me. I was in a hurry to get home so I could eat dinner before my guitar student arrived for her lesson and had planned to go to church afterwards. Once back in the car I was reminded I needed to do something about the malfunction light.

Worship was already in process when I arrived and the words in the songs we sang ministered so deeply to my heart, not just in this situation, but several more where I have heard my Heavenly Father say “you worry too much.” I pressed in during worship, to chase after His heart, declare my trust in what God had in store for me and believe that He already had this covered.

And He does. Truly. Every part of my life, even when I struggle to believe that this is truth. I may not be looking beyond my situation or past the distractions that keep me from hearing His calm voice reassure me that all is well. But that doesn’t stop Him from continuing to prove Himself faithful towards me.

I have the comprehensive package. I have access to everything I need or want or that is beneficial to me. His power, His presence, His comfort. Whatever I need, whenever I need it. It’s always available to me.

Even in the midst of the toughest battle battles we face, He still continues to pour out His richest blessings in our lives.

Psalm 23:5 from The Message
You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies.

I can still have joy even when my heart is hurting from the scars that were left by the world. I can still believe that God is good when I don’t see Him actively working before my eyes because I know of and have experienced His faithful love towards me. Intentionally, I set my face like flint like Isaiah says and look to my Savior because He is hope that does not disappoint.

Maybe you are in a season where the storms of this life are hitting you hard and you just can’t seem to stand strong. He is there to hold you up and walk with you or perhaps carry you through the darkest nights.

Maybe you are waiting for your breakthrough. He is working it out so that at just the right time the glass ceiling will break open and His blessings will swallow you up so much that you’re swimming in them.

I know the faithful love

Of the One who died for me.

This precious son of God

Came to set me free.

Defeating the grave

My soul to save

His love He gave

All for me.

Beloved, you are not alone in your trials. There is a Savior who wants to take your burdens, your fears about the future, your sickness and pain, and lift those heavy weights from your shoulders. He wants you to let go of the things weighing you down so that you can be free to run and dance and revel in His goodness and His grace. Pour your heart out to the One who has everything you could ever need in this life. He is always ready to receive you with arms open wide.

Joshua 1:2-9 from The Message
“…I’m giving you every square inch of the land you set your foot on—just as I promised Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon east to the Great River, the Euphrates River—all the Hittite country—and then west to the Great Sea. It’s all yours. All your life, no one will be able to hold out against you. In the same way I was with Moses, I’ll be with you. I won’t give up on you; I won’t leave you. Strength! Courage! …Don’t get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you’re going. And don’t for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you’ll get where you’re going; then you’ll succeed. Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.”